4/6: Aspires to be Alone

Every profile number in Human Design has something they aspire to attain. The great irony of 4/6 is that we’re designed for “the other”. And as a Projector, I’m designed to see and understand “the other”. I’m not here for myself. And, I never have been. So, to aspire to aloneness seems counter to the design, but I now deeply understand why it’s the aspiration of 4/6's.

Over the last year, I started to understand what I was really in. I started to verbalize that “If I have to do this on my own, I’m just going to be on my own.” It was, at the time, an attitude — it was hurt. “If you’re not going to see and hear how I need you, I’m not going to show up for you anymore either”. But part of deconditioning is listening to what you’re saying. The thoughts and words that get repeated let you know what energy is working through you. What truths you’re coming to.

I discovered that it’s a truth about me that I need to pay attention to.

It’s not that I’m just going to take my marbles and go home.

“If I have to do it on my own, I have to be on my own.” I was coming to understand that he couldn’t see, hear, or understand me and he was both unable and unwilling to care for and work with me the way I needed him to. Which, before him, was something I navigated well in life. It got confused and tangled in me because of the Narcissism. There was no way for me to say, OK. If you can’t and/or are unwilling to meet my need, I can accept that but, I need this space to take care of myself which means I need space…