My name is Renee, I’m 44, happily married to my primary (a Pisces) for the past 18+ years, very much in love with my secondary partner of 2 years, and a homeschooling mom to 3 children as of the writing of this bio. I’m a native Mainer in the US.
Sex has always been a central theme in my life. It’s presence in my thoughts and actions is not a product of abuse. It has just always been a major part of who I am.
Whether I’ve gone through periods of controlling my sexual nature or letting it run wild and free, sex is always in the forefront of my mind and has been since I can remember. I am, under LGBTQ definitions of sexuality, pansexual. What matters to me is the energy and connection I feel with another individual. Their gender identification doesn’t preclude them from being someone I could enjoy and/or love.
Sometimes, sex ruins my life. Other times, sex beautifully enhances it.
If there is respect for people who have become “experts” through a life long experiential and intellectual exploration of a topic, I am to be respected as someone who knows something about sex. I have explored the topic through a multitude of varied experiences and from multifaceted angles. I’m not trained in anything, and therapists may look through my writings with a critically trained eye, but I know my way around a bed.
As a teen, allowing my sexual nature to run wild in my immaturity wreaked havoc in my relationships and life. I became a Christian in my 20s and spent most of my prime adulthood controlling my sexual nature, as well as, other aspects of myself that weren’t loving or good. In the summer of 2018, my husband and I had fallen in lust (me) and in infatuation (him) with other people. We didn’t cheat on each other. We didn’t hurt each other in it. We did what we’d always done: We talked openly and honestly to each other about what we were experiencing. As we did, the idea of opening our marriage became appealing to us both. We walked thoughtfully away from the careful practice of our faith and toward openness.
We started as partnered nonmonogamy: Being each other’s only love, or partner, while allowing each other sexual freedom with others. From the start, we found that we were as well matched in our “bad” as we were in our “good”. Allowing sexual liberty was fun and enjoyable for…