About the Process

My process went from many to few.

I had (in some cases, still have) profiles on Tinder; Fetlife; Ashley Madison (an early account I set up while looking for those in open marriages as, POF [Plenty Of Fish] doesn’t allow married people to enter their site. Rather, they encourage you to join AM); the messenger app, KIK; and a few others, but those were the main places where I met my connections. My profile name, connected to my journey, is Renee Open. If you find me in an on-line space, you are welcome to contact me for discussion as I enjoy hearing from others who are exploring their sexuality. And, you’re welcome to email me at reneeopen@gmail.com

Though, do be patient, keeping in mind that I’m someone’s wife, partner, and a homeschooling mom to three.

Being a pleasant and open, relatively attractive, middle-aged woman offering no-strings-attached sex, I had thousands of respondents to my various profiles. Thousands of men, women, transgenders, and couples from all walks of life.

Profiles with artistic and/or interesting pictures, thoughtfully written bios (yes, I read them), or good presence in group chats most often caught my attention. Occasionally, I would work outside those parameters as the mood struck. I had to whittle down thousands to hundreds. A girl only has so much time.

I engaged people in anything from discussions of sexual exploration to mutual masturbation over video chat, and everything in between. This stage was as integral to my insights as were my more personally meaningful experiences. From insights on astrology to sex, adultery, and nonmonogamy while, not every interaction I had gets their own post, they collectively were impactful, and you can experience their impact on me by reading part 3, “Insights”.

Those who shared good energy and a natural connection with me, as well as, had the availability — in conjunction with mine — were the ones I agreed to meet. While there were only a few I didn’t seek a sexual experience with after meeting, it’s worth noting that there were several I would have liked to meet, but whose circumstance, geography, and/or schedule conflicts prevented us from moving to the next stage.

Finally, upon agreeing to meet, the most often occurring deterrent to more was being stood up or canceled upon at the last minute. As a homeschooling mom to three and a loving wife, I didn’t often give second chances to those who threatened to waste my precious time. The other deterrent to me was sensing that we were not on the same page. Mostly, I’d have an intuition that the man would feel or want more from me than I was willing, able, and/or interested in returning to him. I played only with those who understood the game I was playing. Well, that is, until the secondary partner as he was a game changer.