Attunement: The Seat of My Resentment

As I read through the exercise on Attunement, I felt resentment.

Attuned
: aware of and attentive or responsive to something

Attunement is when you’re aware of but also attentive and responsive to the person you’re with. It’s picking up on the verbal and nonverbal signals as to how close or far away they want/need you to be physically, emotionally, and mentally.

Reaction is when you’re aware of the other person, but attentive to what you’re feeling about what you’re picking up.

Responsive is when you’re aware of the other person, but attentive to what they’re feeling as you pick it up.

The way I’m supposed to be practicing attunement as a coach is not an exercise, at this stage anyway, where I’m guiding a client into a new and useful skill for themselves, their sexuality, or in their relationship to a partner. It’s an exercise meant to show the client that attunement is always what I’m doing for them.

The problem right now? I’m always attuning to everyone, all the time while not often getting the same returned to me because I don’t require it being given from someone to give it to others. The only person in my life who regularly attunes to me is my husband.

It’s the reason I often hear, “You’re so easy to talk to.”

It’s the reason a customer wrote this when I asked her to be a reference for me, “Renee quickly got my attention by the way she treated each customer as the only one.”

It’s the thing I do that makes my boyfriend say, “It’s easy to fall in love with you.”

It’s how I know without having to be told what kind of garb would be pleasing to a lover’s eyes. It’s how I know when it’s time to shut up and move into physical engagement. It’s how I know when to move closer physically, mentally, emotionally, and when to move away out of respect for what the other person wants and/or needs.

I went out last week hoping to have a light, fun evening with my karaoke friends. I arrived and found many of them were dealing with heavy burdens so, I stuffed what I needed for myself and showed up for them. I didn’t mind that the inability to provide light fun was more important to acknowledge…