How Hiding Hurts

A Sexual Libra
8 min readMay 9, 2022

Hiding distorts the truth

In June 2021, Sarah Stroh wrote an excellent article titled, How Polyamory Can Make Your Interactions with Just About Anyone More Organic and I ‘felt that’.

In strict monogamy, you have to constantly think about the implications of smiling brightly at an attractive stranger or a new friend. You can’t just live your life meeting people and enjoying their company in whatever way makes sense.

You have to hide things that don’t fit in with the idea that if you love someone you should want only them.

If you’ve been following my blog for any length of time, you know that I deeply loathe hiding. In fact, it isn’t hyperbole for me to say, I hate it.

I’ve written before about how I spent my adult life controlling not just my sexuality but this aspect of me that picks up on energy exchanges with others. All the time, I have moments with people that mirror the one she describes in the post. I freed myself from monogamy so that I could have them without guilt.

I never had to hide my attraction to others from my husband. Long before we were open, we both understood that it is human nature to feel attraction to people who aren’t your spouse — there’s a reason you promise to ‘forsake all others’. While following our God, we viewed it as something we needed to deny ourselves in faithfulness but knowing the other had an attraction to someone else never made either of us feel insecure in our relationship or like there was something wrong between us.

Looking back at that dynamic, it’s no wonder this lifestyle suits us. Our monogamy was based on the belief that we should be monogamous, not based on a dynamic between us that required it.

Hiding my truth, not being able to tell all I know and experience, creates a couple of problems that, in self-awareness, I’d like to share because, not believing myself to be unique in the human experience (Joe Duncan touched on my upcoming points in his excellent October 2020 post titled, What Non-Monogamy Taught Me About Dead Bedrooms), you might also experience these problems — one is obvious, but there is one that I’ve been more aware of and it can get you and your relationship in serious trouble if you remain unaware that it’s a pitfall.



A Sexual Libra

I’m happily, nonmonogamous/polyamorous. I’m, here, writing about my sexual journey through the Zodiac and open lifestyle. Thank you for reading and enjoy!