How I Came to Transparency and Acceptance as a Habit of Being

Back to my 20+ years of faith experience! No matter your experience with faith, hear me out. This was the avenue through which I became aware and accepting of myself and why I’m comfortable with a transparency that can be unnerving for some.

Early on in my Christianity, I had internalized the idea that God saw all. There was nothing hidden from him. He knew me better than I knew myself. He had a clear, transparent view of me whether I wanted it or not. He saw the good, the bad, and the ugly, but loved me anyway.

The result of internalizing that Christian truth?

It does no good to hide or justify myself, it doesn’t help anything to make excuses. I could do all that with other people, but at the end of the day, it was just me and God, and the voice in my head was, “I see you; I love you, but this shit’s gotta be faced.” The result was that I had to be honest about myself with myself. Since I couldn’t hide, I might as well embrace facing what was in me.

Sometimes that meant getting to know myself better. Sometimes it meant examining myself and owning my shit. Sometimes it meant being more aware of my thoughts and feelings, and it always meant being honest about my motivations, which requires awareness of why I’m compelled to move the way I am. Because I could…