Hubris

I kind of laugh at myself sometimes. How much I do out of primal instinct that I can only see the why from reflection.

I’ll be a Tower (Tarot card reference) if I have to. Last week, I had to tower myself. I was stuck. I was the cause of my own pain. I towered myself with last week’s posts.

I kind of love towers actually. My internal unhealthy was showing up in my body. My body was not well last week, and I knew its cause wasn’t physiological. I knew that. My soul needed to vomit out the sickness of my hubris.

“Your silence is the greatest revenge”. If revenge was what I needed, that would be true. I don’t need revenge. I needed to admit I was still caught. I needed to see that I was still doing what I’ve done since the beginning. Understanding.

Over the last few weeks, privately and publicly, I’ve used the word ‘hubris’ a lot. Pride. And that’s the part that is the ‘yucky’ about me. That’s the part of the other person in a Narcissistic trauma bond that needs to be held without shame, faced, and uprooted, so it can be healed.

“I can take it and still understand, still love you.”

I more than proved that.

But, why the fuck would I?

I didn’t abandon through a lot. But I should have. My empathy wasn’t a strength; in this case, it was a pride that was a…