Poly Mindset Part 4 — Compatibility

Partial fulfillment worth keeping

As I seek to get away from monogamy and embrace my understanding of polyamory, I have started to recognize the specific monogamous mindsets that grip my experience with non-monogamy and am in the process of changing my thinking so that my experience can be closer to my goal.

A comment under Poly Mindset Part 1 — Control by a dear follower and regular commenter who is monogamous but, as an outside observer, is intrigued by the life I’m living:

“Do you think a partner could fulfill all your needs or at least some of them? My wife doesn’t but she is close. For example, she doesn’t like most sports though she was in roller derby and played on my company softball team. Maybe a stupid example but I love college football!”

My answer:

“Fulfillment: All? NO. Most? No. The reason my husband and I have been so peacefully aligned is that my greatest need is a partner who can let me go after what I need to do without conflict between us. That he supports me and encourages me to go after my individual pursuits is the reason that he is my person ❤”

Partial fulfillment is a fact no matter what kind of relationship structure you choose. No one person can be your everything.

Monogamy mindset on partial fulfillment: “This person meets most of my ideals in fulfillment. The ways they don’t partner well aren’t a big enough deal for me to seek fulfillment with others. They can be my ‘one’ and I make do with friendships for the ways my one doesn’t fulfill me or let go of what I may individually enjoy but where we can’t partner.”

Polyamory mindset on partial fulfillment: “This person fulfills me in this way and it’s important to me but it’s also important to me that this other person fulfills me in this different way. I value all my partners for who we are together, and I make the appropriate space for them and what we share.”

If I had to be monogamous again, it would be with husband as he always just supports me in whatever I feel I need to do. I have never met anyone who fulfills most of my needs, let alone someone who fulfills all so, my most essential need is to be free to direct myself in my chosen paths and that I have a…