The Burden of Being a Sensitive Accelerator/low Braker in Monogamy

I can’t help my sexual temperament

Noone with a jealous and possessive nature could peacefully and happily attach themselves to me. Even when I’m not looking for sexual energy, it finds me, even when I’m not thinking about sex, I can be easily accelerated. Even when I’m sincerely putting a tremendous amount of energy into sexual ‘purity’ — right down to control of my thoughts — even when I’m trying, I’m easily accelerated by and easily accelerate others.

I’m not bragging — there have been times in my life when it’s been a real pain in the ass.

In memory, there has never been a time I haven’t been aware of my sexual stimulation response both in my body and through attraction to others and recognizing their attraction to me. I was dreaming about having sex before I knew what sex was or how it functionally occurred. In early childhood, I had a reoccurring dream about a mermaid having her belly button penetrated by something that wasn’t attached to anything I could see.

Thinking back on it, what I saw was the mermaid receiving sexual pleasure — I can still see her face and body movements in my mind, and I experientially know them well now. It sexually stimulated me before I cognitively knew what any of that meant. From this vantage…