The Moral of the Story

I’m about a month out from starting my yearlong trek into certification for becoming a sex and relationship coach. As I prepare, I’ve been thinking on my own life experiences and the wisdom gained.

Yesterday’s post was vulnerably honest. And, while a part of who our couple is, when writing and sharing it, there can be a moment of pause. “How will it be received by others?” Because some will get it, but it could make others squirm in discomfort.

It’s so odd to me that sex is such a taboo subject. Our sexuality is a major part of who we individually and collectively are whether we consciously realize it or not. I lean Jungian in terms of views on nature vs nurture, but I can see how Freud got to his views on dreams and the ‘id’, ‘ego’, and ‘superego’.

The ‘id’, or our ‘primitive’ nature:

“The id is driven by the pleasure principle, which strives for immediate gratification of all desires, wants, and needs.1 If these needs are not satisfied immediately, the result is a state of anxiety or tension. For example, an increase in hunger or thirst should produce an immediate attempt to eat or drink.”

The ‘ego’, or our real-world check for the ‘id’:

“The ego operates based on the reality principle, which strives to satisfy the id’s desires in realistic and socially appropriate ways. The reality principle weighs the costs and benefits of an action before deciding to act upon or abandon impulses.”

The ‘superego’, or our conforming side:

“The superego tries to perfect and civilize our behavior. It suppresses all id’s unacceptable urges and struggles to make the ego act upon idealistic standards rather than on realistic principles. The superego is present in the conscious, preconscious, and unconscious.”

I know I bash on the ego a lot, but in taking Freud’s specific definitions — the ego is where you want to be. From where I stand and what I’m hoping to accomplish, the superego is where we get really bunged up in the arena of sex.

I’ve written it before and am approaching it again: Morality gets in our way. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t have morals — we all do and when you don’t murder me or hold me captive in a dank basement against my will simply because I rub…