Recently my date with a couple, I was really looking forward to meeting, canceled, and I respect them a lot for it.
As the date approached, the male partner began to have intensified feelings of insecurity and they realized that they needed to slow down a bit before moving forward. They have work left to do for readiness.
She wrote the reasoning and the apologies, both nervous that I’d be put-off.
I wasn’t and I’m even more hopeful about the connection. They’re the kind of couple with whom I want to associate.
Anyone who tells you opening up with your partner is easy peasy is full of absolute shit. Even as easy and natural as my husband and I found it (largely because we didn’t have trust issues due to our hyper open and honest communication style and the security found in the integrity of our commitment to each other), we still walked into it carefully, talking about personal feelings of insecurity as they came up.
Ego, security, and trust issues, if there are any, will be challenged and magnified through openness. I HIGHLY recommend the book Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy by Jessica Fern. While nonmonogamy produces opportunity for growth through experience, understanding your experience can be helped by reading/hearing the thoughts and experiences of a number of nonmono/poly voices available in book, podcast, and blog formats.
In contrast with other couple’s crossing our paths lately, they recognized they were still a bit too messy and didn’t want to bring their messiness into my world. And, after dealing with less conscientious people of late, I thanked them readily and offered my friendship.
They were thankful for the offer and decided to keep the date for food and friendship. By the end of the evening, they both felt better about moving forward and I’ll hopefully go to them for friendship and sex sometime this month.
Their openness, honesty, humility, and evident care for one another?
I happily gave them my energy through friendship, support, patience, and understanding because they are a quality couple who will be just fine in nonmonogamy. They aren’t wrecking each…