There Can Be Only One
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Musings from watching The Bachelor/Bachelorette
In truth, these thoughts are the result of musings over several media impressions of late. There’s a significant inner transformation happening in me.
Over three years into living non-monogamy, as I watch TV shows and listen to modern day music I see and hear the messiness and pain of monogamy.
In my post, You Already Practice Poly-love, I took an etymological look at the word polyamory and a multi-lingual look at the word love. I separated love from relationship structure and discovered that I am actually rather polyamorous. What I previously referred to as simply enjoying the connection, the vibe, I had with another — finding the beauty and meaningfulness in each of my connections — was actually me experiencing various forms of love.
I connected love with long-term, secure attachments. I made the word have only one meaning, I put love in that box. I made polyamory small. Love is no longer a dirty word that I don’t pursue (though, I’ll still be careful using the word as I’m well aware that not everyone is thinking of it the way I am).
I absolutely do pursue love, in its various forms. I just don’t pursue long-term, committed, secure attachments.
The boyfriend and I are watching the current Bachelor and season 12 of the Bachelorette. All things being equal, it seemed appropriate to watch both a male and female dating and loving more than one person at a time. While the goal of the show is to find “The One”, functionally, we all get to watch non-monogamy and polyamory in practice.
When the aggressive, Chad, routinely interrupted Jo Jo Fletcher’s time with other men, we rolled our eyes. When two or more egos clashed, and those men began to focus on each other rather than on the woman with whom they were there to build a connection, we’d heave irritated sighs (and I’d routinely point out how they’d both be gone because they were both part of creating an environment of peaceless hostility). I enjoyed noting how she connected with each man and that each connection was unique. I want to strive for not only peaceful connections with varying kinds of partners, but also have partners who don’t have big egos that cause conflict and stress over my other partners.
