Today, I’m Gonna Crush Secondary Entitlement

Even though my own polyamorous journey is in a bit of upheaval at the moment (if you’ve been following my journey over the past year and a half, you’re thinking, ‘That’s an understatement’), I still have wisdom to share with some who are newer to the game.

I’ve been through a number of paces over the past 6 years, and they all create wisdom and compassion — as any hardships should, if we’re facing them with a growth mindset.

This morning, I was encouraging someone facing a new-to-them feeling that I’ve faced more than once from both having it myself, to having to challenge it in and/or hold it compassionately with another.

I wrote this:
“And the only other thing I needed was the assurance that if something developed between them, that would change our relationship structure and life together, he’d tell me regardless of her wishes — if it’s going to change my experience, it’s about me too, not just them, and I need to be informed. He absolutely agreed, and I had confidence in him.”

As I reread the words, I thought of all the posts and comments I’ve read over the years from frustrated newer partners, ‘secondaries’, partnering with people who have existing, long-term, ‘primary’/nesting life partners.