You Have My Permission to Rape Me in My Sleep

Because calling adultery the ‘red-headed stepchild’ of nonmonogamy can’t be the most shocking thing I ever write. *Wink

And much like before … Disclaimer: I am not minimizing the horror of actual rape. As it should be obvious in the title: If you have my permission, it’s not rape. However, there are some who feel violated, on the same level as rape, knowing that a partner sexually touched them while they were sleeping and without first talking about whether or not that was welcomed. This also touches the issue of marital rape or the conversation of consent within marriage and deconstructing the idea that, once married, we don’t have a right to say ‘no’.

The act of initiating sexual contact with a partner while they’re sleeping is, in and of itself, not ‘rape’. There are people, like me and most men I’ve known, who enjoy being woken with sex initiated by an awake partner. It can often be a sexual bucket list experience men and women want to have if they’ve not previously had partners who were open to it. The issue is *broken record alert* communication and consent, not the act itself.

Outside of compassion for those who have experienced the violating aspect of this particular act, there’s a more principled debate that being asleep means you can’t consent in that moment and if that doesn’t sit well with you, make…