More Layers of Sex Part 2: Core Sexual Desires

A Sexual Libra
8 min readJul 14, 2023

Since understanding that I need to travel back to nonmonogamy, I’ve had some contact with previously established people who know and want to engage and have been approached by some who weren’t/didn’t but also want to engage.

One man came to me in messenger. We’ve never met, but he’s tried in the past to connect. I’ve ignored the attempts as I was not engaging people that way and he wasn’t an already established connection. A few days ago, I engaged. I’m not in a place of being able to meet him where he’s at because he’s in ‘scarcity’: that state of being manic and aggressive in his approach because of a prolonged period of time where having consistent access to a regular sexual partner has been ‘scarce’ — whether by choice (his case) or not.

Now, I have a lot of experience, in particular, with men in scarcity so, I know he’s going to be aggressive in his approach until he’s gotten laid. Because I understand that ‘scarcity’ is a real, physiological thing, especially, powerful and captivating for biological men, it doesn’t offend me, but where I’m at right now is just needing to honor and hold space for my sexual temperament and relational nature, i.e. I’m no longer ‘fucking my way’ through anything.

It wasn’t invited, but I went into ‘coach mode’ — intellectually engaging him and holding the boundary of where I’m currently at sexually/relationally. I asked him to share his hottest sexual fantasy. And, as is often the case, it was heavily focused on actions — specific positions or sexual activities he wanted to try either because of past enjoyment and/or undoubtedly a lot of porn watching.

^^ By the way, I’m shaming none of that. In fact, your sexual fantasies, what porn you’re draw to, and the memories of your best, past sexual experiences are the obvious routes to take for reaching an understanding of your Core Sexual Desires.

A good place to start in understanding Core Sexual Desires, as a theory, is with the book, The Erotic Mind, by Jack Morin, PhD.

The man I was chatting with, unprompted, came to offer information about his childhood that showed he ‘gets’ Core Sexual Desires whether from conscious intent or not. As, they are what we’re hoping to experience emotionally through sex and are heavily tied to Attachment

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A Sexual Libra

I’m happily, nonmonogamous/polyamorous. I’m, here, writing about my sexual journey through the Zodiac and open lifestyle. Thank you for reading and enjoy!